When in Doubt… Let Them Play! The Power of Self-Directed Play

Almost every day this summer on a small island in Maine, I ride my bicycle by a young group of kids playing. It attracts my attention because it’s a scene from my own childhood that doesn’t happen much anymore. There are no hovering parents, no coaches giving directions or running drills, this is simply a group of kids varying in ages from four to fourteen loosely organizing themselves and having a lot of fun doing it. 

On this particular day, touch football is the game of choice. The team with the ball huddles to make plans for the next play. They are bent over, hands on knees, listening intently to the voice of the person who appears to be the quarterback. One can only wonder what plans are being made in what seems to be a very long huddle.

With a simultaneous clap of the hands, they turn and approach the line of scrimmage where the ball was placed after the last play. One of the smallest players sprints to the very end of the line appearing to be a “tight end.” The quarterback yells several numbers, “hut one, hut two, hut three!” On three, all hell breaks loose. Bodies run in every direction, people are blocking one another, the defense is chasing the quarterback and the offense is running indiscriminate patterns down field in hopes of catching a pass. Amidst the mayhem, the young girl who lined up as the “tight end,” is zig zagging in the end zone waving her hands frantically. The quarterback unleashes a long pass in her general direction. 

Miraculously, the ball descends from the sky, hits her on the shoulder, bounces into the air and somehow lands in her hands for touchdown. There are cheers and high 5’s all around from both teams, all of whom seem to be relishing in the moment regardless of which team they are on. 

Throughout the game, there are laughs and smiles, disagreements and arguments, planning, thinking and decision making happening. On subsequent days, the game is soccer, capture the flag, whiffleball and countless others. Regardless of the venue, the conversation and organizing is the same and all the while connections and friendships are being made and strengthened through the simple act of play. 

I think there’s a particularly strong connection to our Connect–Empower–Lead… Be the Example framework in this scene. In self-organized play, children are not merely participating; they are experiencing what it means to connect with others, influence what happens, make decisions, deal with consequences, and eventually lead. My advice… “when in doubt”… let them play on their own.